You never know what you will wake up in the morning and find out. I have experienced this first hand several times over the last week in particular. If you know our family, then you know that Tim deals with his epilepsy daily, and most days the medicine cooperates, and some days it doesn't. There is no pattern, and we NEVER know when he will wake up and feel like something is going to happen with his seizures. This week, being back to school week for Mommy, was of course the perfect timing for this to happen. Of course I know my husband has no control over this, it just makes it a little harder to deal with during school times. School was tough at the beginning of the week, with me staring down 80 boxes of computers and monitors to be unboxed at some point during the week. Had to miss Open House due to Tim's health - so already I am feeling like a loser with my new staff. But then Friday came, and our staff development days had gone so well, and Tim went back to work feeling much better with an increase in his medicine levels, and I am thinking - WOW.....everything is looking up for the weekend!
And then I wake up Saturday morning at 8:00 am to my mother calling me to tell me that my dad's mom, our Nanny as we called her, had died in her sleep this morning at her nursing home. We had just moved her there after almost 2 years of trying to care for her at home with advanced Alzheimers. My parents debated for months, and put off moving her earlier in the spring when my Mom's mother fell ill and died in early February. They had just moved Nanny to her new room this week, and we had put in a TV and a corkboard full of pictures of the grandkids for her to look at between visits. And now she is gone, and I have no more living grandparents. A blessing for her - she is no longer suffering, confused, and is with my Papa again - she has missed him for 30 years. For us that are left, we are confused, suffering, and missing her now. It is so hard to think that we won't see her again, or tell her that we love her again in person. My children just lost one great-grandmother, and now they are losing their last one. They still cry for Grandmother, now I have to tell them about Nanny?
Sometimes we don't understand - so for right now, I have to make it through tomorrow of telling my children what has happened, make it throught the first 3 hours of registration day at school, then make it through my Nanny's funeral that afternoon without breaking down in front of anyone in the entire process. It is tough putting a face on for the world.
I will make it - because I am a mom and I have to.
